Let Others Be
"Right" Most of the Time
One of the most
important questions you can ever ask yourself
is, "Do I want
to be 'right'-or do I want to be happy?"
Many times, the two
are mutually exclusive!
Being right,
defending our positions, takes an enormous amount of mental energy and often
alienates us from the people in our lives. Needing to be right-or needing
someone else to be wrong-encourages others to become defensive, and puts pressure
on us to keep defending. Yet, many of us (me too, at times) spend a great deal
of time and energy attempting to prove(or point out) that we are right-and/or
others are wrong. Many people, consciously or unconsciously, believe that it's
somehow their job to show others how their positions, statements, and points of
view are incorrect, and that in doing so, the person they are correcting is
going to somehow appreciate it, or at least learn something. Wrong!
Think about it. Have
you ever been corrected by someone and said to the person who was trying to be
right, "Thank you so much for showing me that I'm wrong and you're right.
Now I see it. Boy, you're great!" Or, has anyone you know ever thanked you
(or even agreed with you) when you corrected them, or made yourself
"right" at their expense? Of
course not.
The truth is, all of
us hate to be corrected. We all want our positions to be respected and
understood by others. Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest
desires of the human heart. And those who learn to listen are the most loved
and respected. Those who are in the habit of correcting others are often
resented and avoided.
It's not that it's
never appropriate to be right-sometimes you genuinely need to be or want to be.
Perhaps there are certain
Philosophical
positions that you don't want to budge on such as when you hear a racist
comment. Here, it's important to speak your mind. Usually, however, it's just
your ego creeping in and ruining an otherwise peaceful encounter-a habit of wanting
or needing to be right.
A wonderful,
heartfelt strategy for becoming more peaceful and loving is to practice
allowing others the joy of being right-give them the glory. Stop correcting. As
hard as it may be to change this habit, it's worth any effort and practice it
takes.
When someone says,
"I really feel it's important to ..." rather than jumping in and
saying, "No, it's more important to ..." or any of the hundreds of
other forms of conversational editing, simply let it go and allow their
statement to stand. The people in your life will become less defensive and more
loving. They will appreciate you more than you could ever have dreamed possible,
even if they don't exactly know why. You'll discover. the joy of participating
in and witnessing other people's happiness, which is far more rewarding than a
battle of egos. You, don't have to sacrifice your deepest philosophical truths
or most heartfelt opinions, but, starting today, let others be
"right," most
